Sasuke and Sakura: A Oneshot Collection
by Levi Ackerman
Summary: Chapter 1 - Naruto's New and Improved Sexy Jutsu - "Sasuke!" Sakura shrieked, "Look at me, damnit! I'm the real Sakura! Naruto, you baka, transform back!" - In which Naruto revamps his signature jutsu and chaos ensues! SasuSaku, minor NejiTen, NaruHina
1. Naruto's New and Improved Sexy Jutsu

_Disclaimer – I don't own Naruto_

_A/N – This was actually the fifth one-shot in my NejiTen collection, but one of my reviewers PM-ed me and suggested I expand on it a bit, and make it more of a Sakura/Sasuke story. I loved the idea, and so here it is: an idiotic plot that popped into my head some time ago._

_I wonder if I should start doing a SasuSaku oneshot collection =P I haven't written an major thing of that pairing since Confrontation, so I'm not sure… let me know?_

_I hope you enjoy reading this, and please review! =)_

_xoxo_

_xoxoxo_

_xoxo_

"SASUKE-TEME!" Naruto hollered, banging his fist on his friend's door. "OPEN UP, YOU ASOCIAL RETARD! OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!"

There was no answer, and Naruto was slowly losing patience. He'd been banging on the door for the past ten minutes, and there was no answer. And he knew Sasuke was inside (they'd already trained earlier and the bastard didn't go out and socialize like most people).

"OY, BASTARD!" Naruto tried again, "IT'S URGENT!"

There was no answer, and Naruto contemplated flinging a Rasengan at the door, but then decided it would waste too much chakra. Finally, Naruto decided to rush against the wooden door and break through (like he had the last three times) when it suddenly opened, making him lose balance and trip, falling flat on his face.

"You bastard!" Naruto cursed, shaking a fist at the narrow ebony eyes that gazed at him with an expression of utmost contempt from above. However, after witnessing his blonde friend sprawled at his feet, Sasuke smirked.

Naruto scrambled up, suddenly looking extremely excited, as he bounced into Sasuke's apartment. Sasuke closed the door with a sigh, following the hyperactive ball of energy, who had made himself comfortable on _his _sofa, where _he _had been sitting just moments ago, peacefully reading a scroll on time-space manipulation.

Of course, with Naruto's presence, Sasuke knew he wouldn't be getting peace anytime soon.

"What is it?" Sasuke asked finally, rather testily. He _had _been expecting another visitor, and the moment he heard the incessant pounding and realized it was Naruto, he was contemplating ways to get the boy _out _of his apartment as soon as possible.

"I've got an awesome new jutsu to show you!" Naruto said, grinning widely. "It's brilliant!"

"What?" Sasuke asked, interest perking slightly, though he wouldn't show it.

"Well... it's not entirely complete yet – I still have to make a few modifications... I tried it out on Kakashi-sensei, but it seemed to upset him, and he just poofed away with that damn book of his. So I thought I'd show you, and ask for your help..."

"This better not be what I think it is, dobe," Sasuke began, crossing his arms, but it was too late. Naruto made the familiar signs, and gave a cry of "Sexy jutsu!"

Seconds later, with a poof of smoke, a very naked, very curvy female stood in Sasuke's living room. Sasuke immediately turned away, looking rather disgusted. Naruto's new form was pretty similar to his old one, except there were no whiskers this time, and his blue eyes were slightly more on the turquoise side. His blonde pigtails had been replaced by a shoulder-length cut.

"Damnit!" Naruto cursed, tugging at a lock of blonde hair. "Still blonde!"

Sasuke was silent for a moment, before he spoke.

"How is this depraved jutsu even _slightly _better than it was before, Naruto?" Sasuke demanded, before adding acerbically, "Though it was quite pathetic to begin with."

"That's the problem!" Naruto howled, still transformed into an unusual, yet undeniably attractive female. "I'm trying to modify it so that it takes shape based on the preferences of the person I'm using it against! But I can't get it to change my eye or hair color! All it does is change my hairstyle! And it gave me these purple stripes on my face when I used it on Kakashi-sensei, which was weird... but other than that _nothing!_" Naruto bemoaned. Sasuke didn't look the slightest bit impressed.

"Your idiotic jutsu obviously needs a lot of work –" Sasuke remarked cuttingly.

"So could you-"

"And _no, _don't even think of asking me for help."

"What?" Naruto wailed, "Why not? I help you all the time with _your _jutsus!"

"This technique is unworthy of being considered a jutsu. There is no way I would encourage your asinine behaviour, Naruto. Go ask Kiba, or someone who'll actually care," Sasuke snapped, before Naruto could protest.

There was a sudden knock on the door.

"Now get the hell out of here," Sasuke hissed, "Or at least transform back to your usual self!"

"What if I don't want to?" Naruto asked, pouting childishly. "Please, Sasuke-kun..." he bit his lip, widening his eyes, "Please help me..."

"That's _not _going to work on me, especially when you're still blonde, dead last," said Sasuke, walking towards his door.

He smirked to himself – Naruto deserved what was coming to him if she saw him in his transformed state.

Indeed, the door opened, to reveal a rather shocked looking Sakura, her green eyes wide. They soon narrowed.

Naruto shivered, crossing his arms to cover his chest.

"Naruto," Sakura growled, crackling her knuckles menacingly. "What the _hell? _Are you trying to – seduce Sasuke-kun or something?"

"Of course not!" Naruto screeched, shaking his head and waving his hands wildly. "I was just – I – I need some help with this jutsu! Don't hurt me, Sakura-chan, I'm sorry!"

"Help?" Sakura scoffed, her reaction not unlike Sasuke's own, "Help with what? You can't possibly improve something so ridiculous!"

"But I can," Naruto protested, "And you better believe it!"

"Honestly Naruto," Sakura said critically, "The long hair suited you better. And if you're trying to test different styles or something, couldn't you find someone better than Sasuke-kun? We all know he's not exactly – interested…"

"What did you mean by that?" Sasuke asked defensively.

"Oh, nothing, Sasuke-kun," Sakura murmured, before adding a bit sadly, "Well I – we all know you don't swing that way…"

"I – what?" Sasuke choked, "I don't – I'm not _gay_!"

"Yes you are," Sakura said regretfully, shaking your head, "It's obvious. But you don't have to hide it anymore, Sasuke-kun, we all-"

"But Sakura-chan!" Naruto interrupted, "He's not! He can't be!"

"And you would know because?" Sakura rounded on Naruto, green eyes glinting, "Come on, your sexy girl form didn't work. Just man up again, and you'll be good enough for him!"

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto screeched, "I – don't – it wasn't like that!"

"What?" Sakura asked pointedly, "You were prancing around naked in front of Sasuke-kun, batting your eyelashes and stuff. I know you two have kissed before so just-"

"THAT NEVER HAPPENED!" Sasuke and Naruto roared together.

"Stupid dobe," Sasuke muttered below his breath.

"Asshole teme," Naruto added in a whisper, before looking at Sakura, a sly grin appearing on his face.

"Oh, and Sakura-chan, I _know _Sasuke's not gay, because if he was, my sexy form would have probably changed in more ways you can imagine," Naruto said, grinning, "See, I'm trying to modify it to suit the taste of my enemy, but so far I can't change the hair color or anything, just the hair-st-aaargh!"

Naruto winced visibly, glaring at Sasuke as he rubbed his right arm – three thin glowing blue needles of chakra poked out – chidori senbon.

"Thanks a ton, bastard," Naruto said sarcastically, transforming back to normal, "You were a great help."

"Just get lost," Sasuke glowered at him, barely concealing the edge of panic to his voice.

"Yeah, yeah," Naruto grumbled, "I'll kick your sorry ass to Suna with this jutsu one day, believe it!"

"Hn," Sasuke snorted.

"Later, Sakura-chan!" Naruto called, leaping out of the window and bounding off over the rooftops, undoubtedly in search of new shinobi to try his jutsu on.

Sakura sighed, looking at Sasuke, who suddenly looked rather tense.

"What's wrong, Sasuke-kun?" she asked.

"Nothing," Sasuke said immediately, "He's such a _moron_…"

"That he is," Sakura agreed, smiling slightly, "But though I'd never say this in front of him, you do have to applaud the ingenuity of it…"

Sasuke raised an elegant eyebrow, looking at her like she was insane.

"Well, think about it," Sakura told him, "If he modifies it to suit his enemy's dream girl, it could actually be a pretty deadly weapon!"

"Don't let him hear you say that," Sasuke muttered.

"Of course not," Sakura shook her head, "That's all he'd need, encouragement. Anyways, why did you call me here, Sasuke-kun? You said your Sharingan was acting up?"

"Hn," Sasuke nodded, remembering his excuse, "Yes, it's nothing serious, but if you don't mind checking…"

"Of course, Sasuke-kun," Sakura said immediately, "I'll run a check-up right now."

xoxoxo

"Um... Naruto?" Lee asked, as the blonde shinobi surveyed the group in front of them. They had all gathered at Team Seven's old training grounds, where Naruto had called them, claiming it was a matter of utmost urgency. "Why are we all here?"

"I need help with one of my jutsu," Naruto explained. "So you guys are like my – subjects!"

"Yosh! We are helping you with a jutsu so that you can grow more youthfully powerful! That is an excellent endeavour!" Lee shouted enthusiastically.

The other members of the group didn't seem to share his ebullience.

Neji just cocked an eyebrow, the expression on his face indicating that he thought this a waste of his time, and he would much rather be doing something else at the moment.

Kiba looked vaguely annoyed, and Shino was as silent as ever. Sai, however, looked mildly interested.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered. He'd so much rather be lying down, staring at the clouds...

"Well, anyway!" Naruto began, blue eyes roving over the shinobi assembled in front of him. "I'm gonna start now, and use my jutsu against you all in turn! Any volunteers for who wants to go first?"

"Me!" Lee yelled immediately, his green spandex-covered arm shooting into the air.

"Um... other than Lee," Naruto suggested, knowing that if he transformed for Lee it would probably yield the same result as when he'd transformed for Sasuke.

Lee look put out.

"Why not me?" he demanded. "Am I not youthful enough an opponent for you?"

"It's not that!" Naruto said quickly, "Um... how about – Shikamaru?"

"No," the lazy shinobi said immediately. "Fighting you will be _such _a drag..."

"But you don't have to do anything!" Naruto said. "Just stand and stare at me, that's all!"

Shikamaru didn't seem to mind this arrangement, and nodded.

"Fine, if that's all it entails..." he drawled.

"Alright!" Naruto shouted, forming a seal, his blue eyes meeting Shikamaru's dark ones. "Sexy jutsu!"

Moments later, a voluptuous naked woman stood in his place.

Kiba ogled at her shamelessly, and Neji and Lee both diverted their eyes, Neji with a supremely disdainful look on his face.

Naruto's eyes were still blue, though slightly darker than usual. His hair, instead of its usual two blonde pigtails, was held in four, shorter, spiky ponytails.

"Oh _no..._" Shikamaru groaned, realizing what had happened.

Suddenly, Naruto's eyes lightened, and his hair changed to one long, high ponytail, his bangs lengthening and nearly obscuring one of his eyes.

"Shit!" Shikamaru cursed, eyes widening.

Naruto's form changed back to what it had been seconds ago, with the four spiky pigtails and darker eyes.

"What the hell is happening?" Naruto wailed, as his form flitted from one to another, completely out of his control. He finally switched back to his normal and thankfully _male _form, clad in his orange and black jumpsuit.

"Shikamaru!" he shouted, pointing at the boy accusingly. "You – you're a-"

"Shut up," Shikamaru said loudly, hoping no one else had realized his indecisiveness. Why was his life so troublesome? Why could he not _stick _to just _one?_

"I think you should try someone, else, Naruto," he said, as Kiba's eyes narrowed, and the brown-haired boy smirked at him knowingly, one of his fang-like canines glinting. "Like Neji," Shikamaru supplied.

"Hell _no,_" Neji said immediately, sounding rather enraged that Shikamaru had the gall to even suggest him, but it was too late. Naruto made the signs, and there was a puff of smoke.

When Naruto reappeared, his blonde hair was bound in two buns at the top of his head, a few bangs covering his forehead. His blue eyes were much darker than they had been before, and he was twirling a kunai between his fingers.

Neji looked rather revolted, white eyes widening in horror, and he turned away, flushing.

Lee's round eyes grew even rounder.

"What?" he yelled, catching on, "Neji has fetishes for buns and weapons! That sounds familiar!"

"I do _not _have fetishes," Neji hissed, still flushing horribly, the pink colour all the more evident on his pale skin. He tried looking affronted, but failed miserably, instead choosing to stride out from the area in graceful dignity.

Or that's what he liked to think – actually, he had stomped out, looking extremely flustered.

He came back in a moment, though, realizing something.

"Lee don't you _dare _tell her or Gai-sensei," he began, but the green-haired boy had already sped off in the opposite direction.

Neji cursed, as elegantly as a Hyuuga can curse, and stormed off again.

"What was that all about?" Naruto asked, looking confused.

"Isn't it obvious, moron?" Kiba snapped. "You just revealed Neji's deepest, darkest secret with your stupid jutsu, and now he's going to Jyuuken your guts out in his wrath, after he gets over his mortification!"

"But – what – what did I – I didn't even transform completely!" Naruto argued obliviously. "My jutsu's only partially complete, why's he getting so mad!"

"Oh come on, Naruto."

It was Shikamaru who spoke now, his tone monotonous.

"It's obvious that you transform so your hair and eye intensity resembles that which your opponent is most romantically or sexually attracted to. And how many kunoichi do we know that tie their hair in two buns, and are constantly seen playing with weapons?"

"Oh," Naruto gasped, realization dawning upon him. "So then Lee was right! Neji does have a bun and weapon fetish!"

"I wouldn't let him hear you say that," Shikamaru advised, but then Naruto turned to him suddenly.

"What about you, huh? You're obviously attracted to _two _girls at the same time, and can't decide which! That's worse! My jutsu kept freaking changing, because _you _couldn't make up your damn mind on which you preferred!" he pointed out.

"Yeah, Ino's so going to _murder_ you when she finds out!" Kiba laughed.

"And Temari," Chouji added, sounding worried.

"Guys, shut up," Shikamaru groaned. "This is all so – troublesome... Naruto, just use a mirror and work on it yourself, seriously..."

"No!" Naruto said, blushing red as well as he remembered what had happened when he'd tried exactly that; his spiky hair had grown long and straight, a thick fringe covering his forehead. His eyes had lightened dramatically to a very light, almost whitish-blue.

He'd stared at himself in shock for a moment, before turning bright red and transforming back – he'd known exactly what _that _had meant, though he was having trouble admitting it.

xoxoxo

Naruto cackled to himself, rubbing his hands together deviously, as he leapt towards Team Gai's training grounds a few days later, despite Shikamaru's warning that he should stay out of Neji's way.

He'd _finally _perfected the jutsu – almost. And he needed a test subject, before he used the jutsu on Sasuke during sparring.

Team Kurenai had left on a mission, Lee was busy running laps on his hands with Gai, Chouji's only love in life was food, and Shikamaru had disappeared somewhere.

So that only left one option for Naruto to test his jutsu on.

Conveniently forgetting about Neji's Jyuuken-ing abilities, and the fact that he was the strongest member of the strongest clan (not counting Sasuke) in the village, and that he _also _was a Jounin, Naruto forged ahead eagerly.

When he finally landed in Team Gai's training ground, the first thing Naruto had to do was duck as hundreds of gleaming weapons whizzed towards him.

"Aagh!" Naruto shouted, as the pelting weapons stopped. "Tenten! What gives?"

"Sorry, Naruto," the brunette, bun-haired kunoichi said sweetly, smiling a bit sheepishly as she dropped one her scrolls to the ground. "But it really wasn't _my _fault..."

Tenten gestured to a large sphere of rotating blue chakra which dissipated in a few moments, (it had deflected some of Tenten's weapons in Naruto's direction) leaving a rather angry looking Neji, his fists clenched and the veins of his Byakugan pulsing.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Neji snarled at Naruto

"Oh, I finally perfected my jutsu!" Naruto told him cheerfully. "And I wanted to test it on you..."

"NO!" Neji cried, suddenly looking panicked. "Definitely not! Go try on someone else!"

"Why not?" Tenten asked curiously, spinning a kunai on her fingers, looking interested. "What kind of a jutsu is this?"

"You don't want to know," Neji answered quickly, but Naruto told her anyway.

"It's a perfected version of my sexy jutsu!" he said proudly, ignoring Neji's mounting anger. "Except it personalizes itself based on the shinobi's sexual preferences!"

"...oh," Tenten muttered, looking rather peeved. "Don't you think that's kind of – childish, Naruto?"

"Extremely childish," Neji agreed vehemently. "Now get the hell out of here, we're trying to train!"

"But Tenten," Naruto pouted, as a conniving idea entered his mind, "Aren't you interested in knowing what happens if I use this on Neji?"

Tenten shrugged.

"Why would I be?" she asked nonchalantly, though Naruto could tell she was trying to hide her obviously piqued interest.

"Yes, there is no reason for Tenten to care," Neji said, dropping into his fighting stance. "Get. Out. Now." he added menacingly.

"Nah, I really need to try this," Naruto said carelessly, making the seal. "Sexy Jutsu!"

POOF!

When the smoke cleared, it revealed a slim, toned naked young woman, clouds swirling around her form, barely hiding what had to be hidden, but revealing pretty much everything else. She had sparkling brown eyes, brown bangs, and her hair was pulled into two identical buns on the top of her head. She was spinning a kunai deftly around one finger.

The girl winked at Neji, blowing him a kiss.

"Neji-kunnnn," the girl, who was actually Naruto purred. Her resemblance to a certain kunoichi was uncanny, though she still had Naruto's face and his impish smile.

Tenten, who had been spinning a kunai on her finger in a motion identical to Naruto's, promptly dropped the kunai, gasping, her chocolate brown eyes wide.

Neji seemed to be choking, and his face was flushed, one pale hand clamped over his nose.

Naruto smirked as he saw a trickle of blood emerge from between his fingers.

Neji was pointedly avoiding Tenten's eyes, and the kunoichi in question looked extremely shocked. However, Naruto noticed a smirk was tugging at her lips, and decided that it was time to make his exit.

Neji would thank him soon...

"Well I gotta go, it seems my jutsu's working just fine, bye guys, have fun with your – _training!_" Naruto called, grinning a bit perversely at the last bit before he fled into the forest.

_Jutsu perfected, _Naruto thought smugly, _let's see how that bastard holds up…_

xoxoxo

"Ready, dobe?" Sasuke asked challengingly across the clearing.

Their sparring match was about to begin. Sakura and Kakashi were sitting on a nearby tree branch, Kakashi's masked face buried behind his handy book, and Sakura watching in interest.

"Believe it!" Naruto shot him a dazzling grin, before charging ahead.

Sasuke immediately activated his Sharingan, red flooding over his eyes.

_Excellent, _Naruto thought smugly, _now he'll record this, and won't ever be able to forget!_

"Sexy jutsu!" Naruto yelled, and there was a poof of smoke.

"NARUTO YOU IDIOT!" Sakura screeched from her perch, "STOP USING THA – oh," she gasped, breaking off

"Ba-baka!" Sasuke stuttered, flushing heavily as he staggered back, "What the fuck – what do you –" he choked, unable to properly formulate a sentence.

"Sasuke-kunnn," Naruto purred, batting his eyelashes, his green eyes twinkling. He bit his lip twirling a strand of pink hair around his finger, leaning forward and practically thrusting his very feminine figure towards the retreating Uchiha.

"U-usura-tonkachi," Sasuke managed to spit out the insult, his red Sharingan eyes spinning wildly as he took in Naruto's complete transformation.

He raised his hands, covering his nose, and Naruto smirked.

"I win," he informed Sasuke, winking.

He didn't notice Kakashi, who had now turned his back to the battle, muttering something along the lines of '_horrifyingly inappropriate' _and Sakura, who had recovered from her shock and was now advancing on him, a mad gleam in her eye.

CRACK!

"Aaaaargh!" Naruto howled, clutching his head.

"YOU PERVERT!" Sakura screamed, "HOW COULD YOU _DO _THAT TO ME?"

"But I – I didn't!" Naruto whimpered, fending off her blows, "I swear, it wasn't me! It was teme there!"

"Sasuke-kun didn't do _anything_," Sakura hissed, "You're just _gross _and disgusting. He was just sitting there and – how could you do this to _me _Naruto? I'm your – teammate!"

"He did!" Naruto wailed, as Sasuke watched the fight, wide-eyed, attempting to stem a nose-bleed.

He was suddenly thankful for the Sharingan; he'd have this image imprinted into his mind for eternity.

"My jutsu modifies itself to suit the user's taste in woman, remember!" Naruto screeched, dodging a chakra-powered punch, "I can't control the transformation, but _his _dirty mind does!"

He pointed accusingly at Sasuke, who was still staring ahead dazedly.

Sakura froze, mid-punch, and whirled around.

Sasuke was staring ahead, his flaming cheeks contrasting with his pale complexion. His Sharingan was still activated, and the pinwheel was spinning continuously.

"Sa-Sasuke-kun," Sakura ventured, her heart racing, "Is it – is it true?"

Sasuke, however, didn't pay her any attention, and continued to stare at Naruto. There was an emotion swirling in the turbulent depths of his Sharingan eyes – Sakura didn't dare think that it was lust. Her stomach lurched wildly, considering the possibility.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura tried again, before rolling her eyes, "This is ridiculous…"

She stomped on the ground, opening up a small chasm, and Sasuke and Naruto both stumbled forward, breaking eye contact.

"Sasuke!" Sakura shrieked, "Look at _me, _damnit! I'm the real Sakura! Naruto, you baka, _transform back!"_

Sasuke finally did look at her, only after Naruto had transformed back to normal. He shook his head for a moment, before realising what had happened.

"Sakura," he began, voice cracking, "I-"

"Is it true?" Sakura asked, her voice wavering, "What Naruto said about the jutsu being controlled by the opponent's –" she broke off, unable to say the word 'desire' in front of him.

"Of course it is," Naruto cut in, "Why would I lie?"

"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura pressed, biting her lip.

Sasuke sighed, averting his gaze, before nodding slowly.

"Hn."

Sakura's heart leapt and she thought her knees would give away underneath her, as she struggled to control herself.

"Naruto, Kakashi-sensei," she muttered, "Could you-"

"I'm hungry," Naruto said immediately, "I'll be at Ichiraku's! Seeya later, Sakura-chan, Sasuke!"

Kakashi had already disappeared without a word, and Naruto also seemed in a hurry to get away.

"Alright Naruto," Sakura cooed sweetly, her pseudo honeyed tone promising death, "But don't think I forgot that this jutsu was _your idea _in the first place…"

"Y-yeah," Naruto nodded, scratching the back of his head nervously.

He looked desperately at Sasuke, who had now deactivated his Sharingan. Sasuke just shrugged back, smirking silently.

"Oh, come on bastard, put her in a good mood," Naruto muttered to himself, speeding out of the clearing.

Hopefully, if Sasuke handled the situation well, Sakura would be to ecstatic to clobber him at dinner.

xoxoxo

"So, um – Sasuke-kun," Sakura began hesitatingly, "Um – I –"

She barely had time to think; nearly a millisecond later, he was behind her, his breath warm on her neck.

"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked, eyes widening as she remembered a night from years ago.

"Sakura," he murmured, his lip brushing the shell of her ear, "No point denying it now, thanks to that _dobe_..."

"Wha-what are you talking about," Sakura's heart sped up, and she could hardly believe her ears.

"I think you figured it out," Sasuke murmured, his voice impossibly husky.

"I- I can't be too sure," Sakura gasped, as his hands came to rest at her hips, his hard chest brushing against her back.

"Come on, Sakura," he breathed, "You've always been smart..."

"Sasuke-kun..."

Suddenly, Sakura felt strong hands on her shoulder, and she was turned around, rather forcefully. She saw his eyes, dark onyx, clouded with lust – before Sasuke pulled her towards him, covering her mouth with his own.

His lips were soft, yet demanding, and he kissed her quite thoroughly, his arms coming to wrap around her waist. Sakura felt electrified – she knew it wasn't chidori, but she felt as if hundreds of little sparks were flooding through her body. It was incredible.

After the shock finally settled, she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back, her stomach fluttering wildly, her heart pounding as if she'd just run from Suna to Konoha without stopping.

They kissed for quite awhile, before Sasuke pulled away, smirking slightly.

Sakura blushed, smiling shyly at him.

"Come on," Sasuke said, his fingers finding her own, "There's a certain idiot we need to find..."

"Oh, of course," Sakura nodded, before blushing harder, "Though – I think we should thank him, Sasuke-kun..."

xoxoxo

By the time they'd reached Ichiraku's, Naruto, who was blushing vividly for some reason, had already entangled himself into a worse situation; one that involved a furious, bloody-nosed Kiba, a stammering and blushing Hinata who looked ready to faint, and a livid Hiashi Hyuuga with his Byakugan blazing.

xoxo

xoxoxo

xoxo

_A/N_

_Ooh that was fun =) I know Neji and Sasuke are somewhat OOC, but to hell with it! _

_As usual, I couldn't decide on ShikaIno or ShikaTema, so I kept both =P A bad habit of mine._

_Anyone get what had Kakashi so flustered in the beginning? _

_Please review!_

_xx_

_HighQueen_


	2. A n t i t h e t i c a l

_Disclaimer – I don't own Naruto_

_Author's Note - I wanted to post this one-shot up a few days back, but fanfiction is being weird and won't let me publish any new Naruto stories =( However, I thought I'd post it as an additional chapter to this oneshot, since I was thinking of expanding this story into a series of one-shots (which is also proving difficult since the site won't let me edit the story title and description). It's completely unrelated to the previous chapter, and its more of angst than actual romance. If you don't mind that kind of thing, read on.  
_

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**Antithetical**

by HighQueen

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"_I – I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!"_

_Her shrieks echoed in the eerie stillness of the night, her desperate pleas reverberating in the silence. She felt the tears leak out of her clenched eyes, streaming down her cheeks, the warm liquid almost soothing to the cold, clenching pain she felt in her heart._

_A few feet away, through the blurry haze of her tears, she saw him stiffen._

::::::::::

"It really _is _you," she muttered, her once sweet, innocent voice tainted with a bitter edge.

Her jade eyes, once wide and watery, filled with innocent hopes, had hardened to blazing emeralds as she stared ahead, forcing herself to stay steady.

She surveyed the figure in front of her, chakra surging through her system as her heart threatened to leap and break all over again; she held it together, this time, testing the word in her mouth, before spitting it out, her voice tinged with what could only be identified as some sort of twisted contempt.

"Sasuke."

She bit her tongue, and the acrid taste of blood filled her mouth.

She wouldn't, she _couldn't _possibly call him anything else now, anything _more._

He had changed, and though it had taken the act of him trying to murder her in cold blood – _twice _– she had changed too.

She wasn't like Naruto.

She wouldn't atone for his sins any longer. She wouldn't live her life solely for him any longer. She wouldn't do anything, _everything - _just for one, convoluted, corrupted image of a boy she once-

::::::::::

"_I would do anything for you!"_

_She gasped, the tears dripping down her chin, as she directed her words at his stiff, unyielding Uchiha-fan-covered back._

"_So… please – just – stay with me!"_

_Choked sobs were torn from her throat, and the painful throbbing of her heart increased. He didn't move._

::::::::::

He finally looked up, amidst the ruined battlefield, gleaming eyes visible through the curtain of dark spikes framing his face, covering his forehead.

He was still undeniably handsome, she admitted, though the pale face was streaked with grime. Dark circles ringed his eyes, shadows flitted across his hollow cheekbones, and tears of blood poured down his cheeks.

She couldn't help but smirk to herself, an iota of amusement at the irony: he was crying, even if it was just blood from overexertion of his blasted Sharingan, while her eyes were dry.

The Mangekyou faded away, the pinwheel dissolving back into empty ebony pits – she noticed there was something different about his eyes – they were like the eyes of a dead man.

Little did she know how right she was, that it hadn't been Sasuke's eyes gazing at her, crying blood, but those of a man far more powerful and _far _more compassionate than the avenger.

"What?" Sasuke rasped, his husky voice lined with fatigue.

The war had taken its toll on him; he'd been fighting for weeks without any rest, without any respite. Madara had apparently abandoned him, and though Sasuke was far stronger than the remaining Konoha 12 (minus Naruto), it hadn't been easy fighting all of them, especially when a good portion of them, led by Shikamaru, seemed to operate on the sole purpose of having him dead.

He was probably lucky that it was Sakura, and not Naruto, who found him. If it was Naruto, the boy would probably be beating him up and dragging him away with him.

Still, as Sakura's trained eyes flicked over his body – _on a purely medical basis _– she noticed the numerous gashes and wounds which stained his muscled torso, visible through the rips in his shirt.

She took a step forward, feeling the chakra flow to her fingertips.

::::::::::

"_I don't know what I could do," she cried, "But I'll try my best to do something for you, Sasuke-kun!"_

_She bowed her head, hands clasped together, hoping, praying that he would change his mind._

::::::::::

"Sa-kura," he croaked, and despite everything, hearing her name fall from his lips sent a shiver down her spine.

She took another step forward, her cold green eyes locked with his cold onyx ones.

"Go," Sasuke muttered, "Stay – away from me."

"What'll you do?" she asked, a taunting lilt creeping into her voice, "You can barely move, _Sasuke, _and you've exhausted all your chakra."

She'd barely noted it the first time, but this time, she saw how his slim eyebrow twitched, ever so slightly, at the (_part that was lacking from his) _name.

"I'll – kill you," he threatened, his hoarse voice barely above a whisper.

She allowed herself to smile, the expression as cynical as her voice, as she kneeled down, her face level with his.

"Oh, but Sasuke, you already tried. Two times – just like I did, ne?"

He tensed, though he didn't break eye contact with her. She was older, more mature, more experienced now, and noticed his fingers clench as he attempted to draws his chakra, blue sparks gathering at his fingertips.

Her own glowed green in response.

"I – I'm not sorry," he spat out, "I won't be. I'll eradicate your entire – pathetic village."

Sakura moved her hand till it was hovering over a particularly large gash in his chest, reveling at the way he tensed up beneath her, unable to actually move away.

"_Our _village," she corrected, her voice hard, "Though you don't deserve to call yourself a member of it anymore, despite what Naruto may think."

Something flickered in his eyes at Naruto's name, the tightness of his face softening for a moment, before it was gone, replaced by his usual frigid mask.

"I wouldn't want to defile the Uchiha name by aligning myself with _Konoha_," he said, uttering the name like it was a curse.

She said nothing, allowing her green chakra to float over his chest, seeping into the wound.

His eyes widened, marginally.

"Why – why the fuck are you-"

"I promised Naruto I wouldn't kill you," Sakura whispered, "Don't think I do this for you. I owe him more than could ever be repaid."

Her heart and soul rebelled at this, the words barely making it out of her mouth.

_Lies! _Inner Sakura screamed, _lies, lies, lies!_

"He's an idiot," Sasuke murmured, and for a moment, Sakura thought she heard an amount of fondness creep into his voice.

Her heart clenched – and she scolded herself, convincing her mind that it wasn't jealousy. After all these years, she wasn't still jealous of the bond Sasuke and Naruto shared. She wasn't.

"Why won't he just – let go of me?" Sasuke murmured, more to himself than to Sakura.

"Naruto never gives up on anything," she said, her voice steely, "You should know that by now."

She healed a few more wounds – only the life-threatening ones, before stepping back.

Sasuke breathed heavily, struggling to push himself up.

"You shouldn't have done that," he said softly, "I'll have to kill you now…"

The words were like kunai, stabbing into her heart; but it wasn't the first time, and her heart was used to wounds. She had no more blood to spill, no more tears to cry over him.

Sakura just rolled her eyes, cracking her knuckles.

_Stubborn. Unyielding. Frustrating._

Sasuke's eyes bled over with the Sharingan, a chidori forming in his palm.

Sakura dug her hell against the earth, drawing chakra to her own hand.

_Annoying._

::::::::::

_She stared after him, green eyes wide, as he turned around, slowly._

_His dark eyes met hers, his pale face gleaming under the moonlight. Lips twitched upwards into a smirk, and when he spoke, his tone had a fond, teasing quality to it, despite the words._

"_You really are annoying…"_

::::::::::

How the tables had turned.

And then suddenly, Sasuke bolted forwards; despite his state, he was no longer in mortal danger, and his speed and agility were terrifying. A split second later, Sakura smashed her fist downwards, ignoring the protest of her muscles.

SLAM! CRASH!

She noted with satisfaction, the shocked look on his face, as he leapt back to avoid the enormous wall of stone that smashed out of the ground in front of him, his chidori dissipating, uselessly.

She cocked her head, blood-drenched pink locks swishing to the side, and pulled her arm back for another hit.

His eyes met hers, and though his expression melted away to his usually stoic one, she thought she saw a glimmer of respect beneath the swirling depths of his stolen Sharingan.

He created a chidori sharp spear this time, the crackling lightning forming a slim sword in his hand, and moved past the rocky wall she had created.

He wasn't as fast as he should have normally been.

He had been battling for days, fighting it out. He hadn't slept or eaten.

She was relatively fresh, just a day into the battle, for she'd had a three-day respite and food earlier.

It wasn't a fair battle, but he had the Uchiha blood and the death of his brother on his side.

It wasn't fair at all, but they'd always been so outmatched, leagues apart, that maybe, for once, it was.

He'd always been much faster than her, ever since they were children, she remembered, as memories deluged her; protecting her, leaping in front of her so that an enemy couldn't harm her, his arms outstretched… running forwards to catch her in his arms, darting through trees with her cradled against his chest…

::::::::::

"_DON'T LEAVE!" she shrieked, "IF YOU DO – I'LL SCREAM!"_

_There was a sudden swishing sound, and he disappeared from in front of her. Sakura's heart plummeted – he couldn't have gone – where did he go?_

_And then suddenly, she felt a presence, just centimeters behind her. She could almost feel his chest against her back, feel his warm breath ghosting across her neck._

::::::::::

Sakura gathered as much chakra as she could, just as Sasuke lunged towards her, chidori spear gleaming and crackling, and twisted away, her body moving seemingly effortlessly.

A millisecond later, she was behind him, the tip of her nose brushing his ebony spikes.

::::::::::

"_Sakura," he breathed, his breath warm on her ear, sending shivers down her spine, sending her heart leaping._

_He'd never spoken her name so softly, with such raw emotion in his voice. She froze, standing rooted to the spot._

::::::::::

"Sasuke," she murmured, almost lovingly, her index and middle finger curling inwards, and then out.

She saw the muscles and cords of his neck clench, and knew she had barely a second to react before he turned around and pinned her by the neck. _Again._

::::::::::

"_Thank you…" he breathed, and even though she couldn't see his eyes, she could tell he meant it._

::::::::::

"You're _not _welcome," she almost spat, tears finally pricking at her green eyes.

::::::::::

_She felt a sudden pressure at her neck, and then – darkness…_

::::::::::

She jabbed her two fingers forward, hitting the nerve with perfect accuracy and a perfectly controlled amount of chakra.

She wished she could have seen his face, as his body tensed and he lurched forward.

_You're not welcome. Not anymore. Not after everything._

"You bastard," Sakura gasped, and this time, the tears poured from her eyes, as she kicked the ground, forming a large crater, watching his now limp form fall, almost gracefully, into it.

Then, she turned on her heel, and walked off, the ground cracking beneath her boots.

::::::::::

_Sasuke walked away, after gently setting her on a bench, his hands jammed into his pockets. He bit his lip, his eyes stinging, his heart weighed down by regret. For the first time, he actually wondered if he was doing the right thing._

::::::::::

Sakura walked away, after pushing him into a crater, her hands clenched into fists. She bit her lip, her eyes stinging, but she wouldn't allow herself to be consumed by regret. For the first time, she actually thought, that maybe, she'd managed to do the right thing.

::::::::::

End

::::::::::

_Author's Note – Angst. Mwahahaha. I don't know why, but that was satisfying. Had some poetic justice, I think. I'm sorry if you hated it or found it too ambiguous or plain said. But frankly, the way the manga is going, I can't bring myself to write proper SasuSaku romance. And I think Sakura needed to (somewhat) kick Sasuke's ass, just this once. Even if he was exhausted and pre-injured. _

_Interpret the ending as you wish. Did she kill him? Did she just make him unconscious? Will Naruto find him and save him? Will she come back to retrieve him after the war? It's all up to you, really. I wanted to keep it somewhat open-ended._

_Oh, and if anyone picked up the mild SasuNaru, that's also open to interpretation as either strong friendship or something more._

_Please review and let me know what you think! I'm really tense and strung up right now (university admission results next Wednesday!) so excuse me if my writing is rather dark and stressed as well! _


	3. Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol

_Disclaimer – I don't own Naruto_

_Author's Note – Just a little something I wanted to write. It alternates between POVs, and 1__st__ and 3__rd__ person narrative voices. I hope that doesn't bother anyone._

_Oh and the characters are pretty screwed up in places. Sloshed, and just screwed up =P _

_Also, please be warned: __**this particular ficlet is rated M for language, alcoholic references, sexual references and a somewhat explicit almost-lemon. If you don't like any of that, or it offends you, please don't proceed. This is probably inappropriate for anyone under 18, and maybe even some over. It's basically the most immoral rubbish I've ever had the gall to write.  
**_

_**There are also references to a lot of other pairings. Mainly SasuSaku though, obviously. **_

_Well. Don't say I didn't warn you!_

_This takes place a year after WW4 has ended. Assume Sasuke is back after his angst/power/revenge-trip._

XoXoX

Hi.

I'm Sakura Haruno, I'm nineteen years old, I've never been kissed by a guy, and I've never, _ever _touched alcohol.

Well, unless you count the ethanol which I use when disinfecting wounds but _whatever, _you get the point.

Yeah, I know my life is pretty boring. Compared to Sasuke and Naruto, and even Sai, I don't have half that much trauma in my life. So why would I need to drink in the first place?

Well, _that _is bull.

Maybe I wasn't ostracized by the village (being bullied by my forehead, _I know, _doesn't qualify; geez, I was such a crybaby when I was a kid!) and maybe I don't have a bloodthirsty demon trapped inside of me. Maybe my family wasn't slaughtered by a brother I once idolized and then killed, only to find out that he wasn't the villain I thought he was but a mere victim of some nefarious political scheme.

But my life hasn't exactly been the easiest thing ever, okay?

My teammates practically ignored my existence for the first year (except Naruto's random infatuated declarations) and then the boy I loved knocked me out in the middle of the night before running off to live with some pedophile with biting-fetishes. Then my other teammate ran off with a perverted old man, leaving me here alone. I worked hard (I was slave-driven, more like it, by Tsunade-sama, though I appreciate her for that) and became strong, and I even beat up a member of the Akatsuki (though I practically died in the process). Then I went to rescue my defected teammate, only he _ignored _my existence, _yet again, _in favor of pressing up against Naruto and whispering menacingly in his ear.

And they wonder why people think they are gay?

Then soon even Naruto decided that he wasn't interested in me after I confessed my love for him (okay, so maybe that was a little stupid, but damn it, I was trying to keep him safe! And really, it wasn't healthy for him to run after Sasuke so much!) and I was left alone, _again, _basically looking like an idiot. And then I tried to reason with Sasuke, but failed. So I tried to kill him, but failed as well, because somewhere in my heart I still loved the traitorous bastard. So then he tried to kill me – twice – fortunately, or rather unfortunately, he failed.

And then there was a war, a bloody, long war, which I fought, and finally, Sasuke came back, only to treat me with the same indifference as before despite the fact that I was ready to forgive him for _every fucking thing._

Yep, I'm still Sakura, the pile-on, the annoying, stupid _useless _girl to him. It's not even about unrequited love anymore with him. It's about bloody _friendship – _forget even that, since he's only capable of befriending Naruto – but maybe just some _respect. _Acknowledgment.

For me. For my abilities.

(_Who healed you when Naruto dragged your bloody, dying carcass back to Konoha? Who heals you almost religiously, after every single damned mission? Certainly not Tsunade, you ungrateful wretch!)_

But no. I get none of that. I'm still annoying, you see. His conversation with me still hasn't crossed that impregnable threshold of 'hn', 'ah', and 'tch, annoying'.

_Bastard._

I'm not trying to whine, or make anyone pity me. I know that in some ways my life has been better than other people's. And I appreciate that. But it's not been too great in other departments, namely my _team _and my (lack of a) love life.

And despite that, I haven't ever drunk sake or any form of alcohol.

Even though Naruto and Sasuke got smashed nearly six months back (and nearly blew up the entire restaurant with their impromptu chidori/rasengan skirmish, the morons) and even _Sai _got drunk before. Ino gets high at every party, so does Kiba – and even _Hinata, _sweet, innocent _Hinata _got drunk once (it was an accident, that spiked drink was meant for Shino because Naruto wanted to get him drunk and take his glasses off) but all the same.

I'm nineteen, all my friends drink, and I _haven't. _Yeah, maybe I'm still two years younger than the legal drinking age, but no one ever pays attention to stupid civilian laws like that anyways, especially shinobi. So it's pretty creditable, okay? I mean, look at Tsunade-sama, my sensei – she's a sake addict! She downs the stuff like freaking water! She's even tried getting me into it, but I chastely refused, good little girl that I am.

So basically, all I'm saying is that, considering all these circumstances – if ever I were to get drunk – crazily and utterly drunk (not that I ever would) – no one has the right to judge me.

Especially not the Emo Prince, Sasuke-fucking-Uchiha.

Hell no.

_Especially _not him.

#$%&

Sakura Haruno glared at the scroll in front of her, her eyes hardening to jade shards.

_Sakura-_

_I'm sorry to inform you that patient #22 succumbed to internal bleeding, and passed away this morning. However, that means you don't need to revisit the hospital at night, so you can continue your day as planned. I am saddened by the loss, and I know you must be too, but don't let in weigh on your mind. We did all we could. It wasn't your fault. This is the life of a shinobi. _

_-Shizune_

The scroll had been delivered to her over an hour ago, by one of Tsuande's slug summons, and Sakura was still plagued by guilt, as she continued to glare at the paper, willing it to combust and disappear, as if that would render its contents meaningless.

It wasn't the first time one of Sakura's patients had died. She was a medic-nin after all, and one of the best. Most of the critical cases came to her, and the life of a shinobi was fraught with danger. Still, when the rare deaths occurred, they made it feel like a kunai had stabbed her heart, and Sakura could almost see their blood on her hands, as if it was she who was responsible for their deaths.

It was a never-ending cycle. Even after the Fourth World War, there were still insurgents and rebel groups. Shinobi still died. Families were still split apart.

"Saaakura-chaaaan!" an annoyingly loud voice sang, popping up next to her, "Saaakura-chan, you look like you're gonna murder someone!"

"Naruto," Sakura said, smiling stiffly at her already sloshed teammate – how long had they even been in here, thirty minutes? And he was _already _gone? Considering the Kyuubi gave him a high capacity, Sakura shuddered to think about how much alcohol he'd taken in to get this high. And the effects so much alcohol would have on his _liver, _enhanced-fox-healing system or not.

"What's wrong, Sakura-chaaan?" Naruto whined, "You c'n tell meee..."

"I'm fine, Naruto," Sakura lied, flashing him a fake smile.

The moron actually fell for it, and grinned back. She was getting better than Sai at this.

"You, however, are another case," Sakura said, seizing the opportunity to lecture him, "How many times have I told you, it is _not _healthy to get drunk, especially considering your capacity?"

"M'not drunk!" Naruto argued, "Not really! 'Sides, Saas'ke-teme an' me, we're doing a drinking contest, 'ttebayo... an' I'm g'na kick his ass!"

"Baka," Sakura said scathingly, but chose to let the matter slide.

The damage was already done, though she didn't envy the Kyuubi for having to pump all that crap out of the idiot's system.

"Anyways, I g'ta get back to teme," Naruto said, "See if I leave him 'lone to long, he'll get m'lested! But this is for you, 'k, Sakura-chan! Have some fun, dattebayo!"

Naruto slammed something on the table and staggered off, and Sakura now fixed her glare on the shot glass that was right in front of her nose. It had a pale, clear liquid in it. Sakura took a cautious sniff, before wrinkling her nose in distaste.

Vodka.

She knew this because Tsunade had taught her to identify over five-hundred poisons, drinks and toxic substances by smell alone as a part of her medical training.

And this hear, was a shot of vodka, neat as it could be.

Sakura spent the next five minutes alternating between glaring at the scroll, the shot glass, and Sasuke.

She could see him, a few bar-stools away, chugging down bright blue shots with Naruto. The boys would glare at each other, insult each other, drink, and then repeat the whole process. Sakura considered stopping them – the last time this had happened, they'd devastated a building – but then decided against it. It was _their _fucking problem this time. She wasn't going to clean up their mess.

Sai was watching them curiously, sipping daintily at his own shot as if it were tea. Sakura suppressed a snort at that; Sai really was socially inept.

Her eyes fell back on Sasuke, her heart lurching, as usual. He did look devastatingly handsome. He was wearing a dark blue shirt, with a few buttons open – the open-shirt thing seemed to be his new style ever since Orochimaru, though thankfully he'd gotten rid of the ass-bow. His ebony locks framed his handsome face, and his dark eyes were currently narrowed in a glower directed towards Naruto. The foreign formals really suited Sasuke, Sakura thought. Then again, _anything _would suit Sasuke – except for perhaps an Akatsuki cloak (_traitor!)._

Naruto was also dressed in a shit, a bright orange one, though he'd already slopped a lot of alcohol down the front. Sai, too, was dressed in foreign formals; a tuxedo. He didn't carry off the look half as easily or nicely as Sasuke did.

In fact, Sasuke seemed quite at ease, which Sakura found ironic. If she were in his shoes (or in his pants... now _that's _a thought!) she would be feeling uncomfortable.

Because the reason they were all decked up, and crammed into a bar was to celebrate.

Celebrate the one-year anniversary of the end of the Fourth World War. The one-year anniversary of the death of Madara Uchiha, and the one-year anniversary of the day that Sasuke returned to Konoha after living as a traitor.

Sadly, he was welcomed with open arms. Even more sadly, Sakura was one of the open-armed villagers, ready to forgive.

Though she hadn't forgotten. She would _never _forget.

Still, just because she knew somewhere at the back of her mind that he was once a traitor, and was still an asshole, didn't mean she couldn't enjoy the view. So Sakura ogled him shamelessly, quite aware that she wasn't the only one. She'd seen that strumpet, Karin, skulking about earlier. She'd joined Konoha too, after the war, and proved herself worthy of the title 'Sasuke's #1 Pissing-Off Fan-slut', a title which Sakura and Ino had secretly bestowed upon her.

Sasuke did seem to have a lot of fan-sluts. It was annoying really. All the fan-girls of the old days had come back with full force, except they were more – slutty – hence the name. Sakura prided herself in that way – not once had she run after him with gifts or pleas for dates. In fact, she treated him with the same cool politeness that she did Sai, though she actually knew that her and Sai's relationship could be considered friendship; still it was dangerous getting _too _friendly with the boy. Who knows what his book-brainwashed mind would interpret it as?

Sakura sighed, looking down for a moment at her dress. It was a tight, red, strappy thing that barely reached mid-thigh. Ino had bought it for her and flung it in her face that afternoon, demanding that she wear it, along with her black boots. Sakura had obliged, and _no, _it was _not _because she was trying to catch Sasuke's eye or anything! The fact that she'd used a jutsu to slightly alter the shade of red till it matched perfectly with his Sharingan had _nothing _to do with it!

Sakura sighed again, glancing around the room. There were civilians and shinobi, mingling together for once, though it was obvious who was who. For one thing, kunoichi, with their chakra control, were _far _more graceful in stilettos than those hobbling civilian women.

Sakura spotted Genma, the pervert, hitting on Hinata, who seemed absolutely terrified, as she crossed her arms, attempting to hide the rather low neck of her light blue dress.

_Silly girl, _Sakura thought, _doesn't she realise that has the opposite effect?_

Sakura considered walking over to save the innocent Hyuuga heiress, but didn't have to, as moments later, a very furious Neji Hyuuga stormed over, his Byakugan activated, accompanied by an angry, shuriken-armed Tenten.

Ino was on the dance floor, dancing rather provocatively. Kiba was with her as well, and seemed to be enjoying himself (or _her, _rather). Shikamaru stood to the side, looking utterly bored. Chouji was with him, wolfing down all the appetizers. Sakura wondered for a moment how all the waiters seemed to be magnetically attracter towards their table, when she saw the black shadows sneaking out to attach themselves to the poor, unsuspecting civilians.

She smirked.

Ah, the pleasures of knowing ninjutsu...

Shino was standing next to Shikamaru, looking bored as well. Sakura couldn't actually decipher his expression, but she was sure it was boredom. The Sand Siblings hadn't yet arrived.

Rock Lee and Gai-sensei were dancing enthusiastically and manically in the middle of the dance floor. Most of the civilians had steered clear away from them – their dancing was more like taijutsu and involved too much jumping and kicking.

Kakashi was sitting with Yamato, his precious porn in one hand, and the drinks menu in the other. Sakura decided to go and sit with them. Crumpling the scroll in one hand and dropping it to the floor, she picked up her shot glass and went over to their table.

"Ah, Sakura-chan," Kakashi greeted, smiling under his mask, "Is that a shot I see?"

"Naruto dumped it on me," Sakura said, taking a seat, "What are you ordering?"

"I'm not too sure," Kakashi said, "Either a Slippery Nipple, or a Screaming Orgasm... though the Sex On The Beach With Sand In Your Crack sounds interesting too... something I'd recommend to Kazekage-sama when he gets here..."

"Please," Sakura rolled her eyes, "Don't corrupt Gaara. This drinks menu is worse than Jiraiya's smut!"

"Sakura-chan," Kakashi said, affronted, "This is highly tasteful literature, this here. Don't use such derogatory terms. Anyways, how about Redheaded Slut?"

"Who, Karin?" Sakura asked immediately, before smiling sheepishly, "Oh..."

"Speaking of her, where _is _Sasuke?" Yamato asked, "Naruto was saying something about a drinking contest. I really hope they don't."

"Too late, sensei, Naruto's sloshed," Sakura informed him.

Yamato looked terrified.

"Ah, they're adults, don't fuss," Kakashi told him, before looking up at the waitress, a slim woman with brown eyes and short brown hair, and asking sweetly, "I'd like you give me a Screaming Orgasm, please?"

"Sensei!" Sakura scolded, and the poor woman stared at him for a moment, blushing wildly, before mumbling something and scurrying off.

"What?" Kakashi asked innocently, "It's not my fault they name their drinks so – inappropriately."

"_You're _the inappropriate one..." Sakura said.

"Well, she – reminded of someone..." Kakashi muttered wistfully, before burying himself behind has book.

"SAKURA-CHAN! KAKA-SENSEI! YAMATO-SENSEI!"

The boisterous voice soon interrupted whatever peace and quiet they'd been experiencing (well, as much peace and quiet as you can have in a nightclub) and Sakura soon found an orange, alcohol-smelling ninja lumping himself next to her.

"Scoot up, Sakura-chan! Make space for us!" Naruto pleaded.

Sakura sighed, sliding closer to Kakashi, so that Naruto, Sai, and a rather irritated-looking Sasuke could sit on their little table.

Naruto was coherent again – the Kyuubi really _was _efficient at getting rid of the alcohol. The moron didn't even suffer hangovers.

Sasuke, too, didn't seem drunk. He was walking straight, though he seemed grumpier than before.

"I take it your drinking contest is over?" Sakura asked Naruto.

"HE CHEATED, DATTEBAYO!" Naruto accused suddenly, pointing at Sasuke, "He was using a modified substitution jutsu to switch his vodka shots with water the entire time! He wasn't even drinking!"

"Tch. You're an idiot if you couldn't figure that out," Sasuke scoffed, "Couldn't you see the hand seals?"

"I WAS DRUNK!" Naruto bellowed, "YOU BASTARD! AND YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"Whatever. Dobe."

"TEMEEE!"

Sakura however, couldn't help but smile to herself at Sasuke's ingenuity. But really, how else to keep up with Naruto and his Kyuubi-enhanced capacity?

"SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THE ENTIRE TIME YOU WERE SOBER? AND I WAS JUST CHUGGING THAT SHIT FOR NOTHING!"

"Hn," Sasuke smirked, before adding, "You _like _getting drunk anyway, Naruto. I don't."

"Eh, whatever," Naruto rolled his eyes, "I'll make you – OH. I KNOW! SINCE WE'RE ALL HERE, LET'S DO TEAM SHOTS!"

"Naruto, _volume, _please," Kakashi said.

"Don't be ridiculous, Naruto," Sakura snapped, "We're _not _doing Team Shots! In case you haven't noticed, _I _don't drink."

"Well then this is the perfect chance for you, believe it!" Naruto said, his enthusiasm only fuelled by her statement, "Let's get Sakura-chan drunk! Whose with me, huh?"

Slowly, Sai raised his hand.

"Sai," Sakura growled.

"What, Ugly?" he asked, blinking, "It will be funny. And you need to let lose."

Kakashi raised a hand too, after a moment.

"Sensei!" Sakura groaned, "Not you too!"

Yamato, after being glared at intensely by Naruto, soon agreed as well.

"Haha! See," Naruto grinned.

Sakura looked desperately at Sasuke for help; though really, not like he would even care.

"Leave her alone," Sasuke said after a moment, his voice low.

Sakura was shocked.

"What? Why?" Naruto whined, "You're supposed to be on my side!"

"Not everyone likes making a fool of themselves like you, Naruto," Sasuke said evenly, "If Sakura doesn't want to drink, you shouldn't force her."

Sakura wondered, if in any warped way, that could be twisted into a compliment.

"But – but-" Naruto protested, "It's still four against two!"

"And besides, she probably has really low capacity. If all of you are sloshed, who's going to take care of her after she passes out?" Sasuke continued, rather tactlessly.

_Oh, _Sakura clenched her teeth, _he did NOT._

_Shannaro! What a bastard! _Inner Sakura raged, _I have fucking HIGH capacity, princess Uchiha! Let's show him!_

Sakura suddenly grabbed the shot glass, glaring at Sasuke, who looked unfazed.

"I'll do it," she said stiffly.

Naruto whooped happily, and if she had looked closely, she would have noticed that Sasuke was _smirking. _

"Order up, sensei!" Naruto said joyously, "Three shots each!"

"Hey!" Sakura snapped, "I never agree to-"

"Come on, Sakura-chan, scared you won't be able to handle it?" Naruto teased.

"Bring it on," Sakura growled.

#$%&

_This shouldn't be so hard, _Sakura thought, _I'm a medic. I can just regulate my chakra and flush it out of my system pretty soon... it's not going to affect me._

Three shots were lined up in front of her: neat vodka, a Kamikaze and a Tequila Slammer.

_I can do this, _she urged herself, reaching for the first one, the vodka.

"Uh, Sakura-chan, you _may _want to try the Kamikaze before you go neat," Kakashi suggested, but Sakura ignored him.

She was _sick _of people insinuating she was _weak _or had low capacity or _whatever. _Sick of it.

She was a medic, damnit! She was _Tsunade's _student! She could handle some measly alcohol!

Her sensei practically grew up drinking sake!

"Your choice," Kakashi shrugged, picking up a kamikaze himself.

Around her, Naruto, Sasuke and Sai all picked up their drinks. Yamato did too, a bit nervously.

"Right then," Naruto beamed around, "Just drink it in a gulp, Sakura-chan, don't sip on it like Sai here, okay?"

"I _know_, Naruto," Sakura growled, "Just because I don't drink doesn't mean I'm an idiot."

"...hey," Sai said after a moment, realising the insult aimed at him.

"Anyways, let's go," Naruto said, "Cheers guys! To a united team seven!"

He held his shot glass forward, and reluctantly, the other five members clinked theirs together.

"One, two – three!" Naruto yelled, downing his shot.

Sakura took her glass, closing her eyes, and bought it to her lips. In one gulp, she took it all down.

It was _horrible. _

Her eyes watered, and her throat burned horribly, like someone had shoved a chakra wire down her oesophagus. It tasted disgusting, absolutely disgusting, like something that wasn't _meant _to be consumed. It had an acrid taste that made her mouth sting horribly, and Sakura soon started coughing, tears leaking out of her eyes.

"Sakura-chan! Sakura-chan, are you okay?" Naruto asked concernedly, thumping her on the back, "It's only vodka, don't worry! And the first sip is always the worse!"

"I don't think – I've ever – tasted anything – so disgusting!" Sakura choked out, wiping her eyes, "How can you – _stand _to drink that?"

"It's not the taste so much as the feeling after," Sai informed her, "Wait for fifteen minutes. It'll kick in."

"I told you to start with the Kamikaze," Kakashi said, "That vodka was neat."

"You shouldn't have more," Sasuke said, and Sakura tried to pretend he was being protective.

She knew he was just being disdainful.

"I'm fine," she said, "It was just – gross. But I'm fine. In fact, I feel like having another _right now_!"

And with that, she grabbed the Tequila, and poured it down her throat, suppressing her urge to gag and spit it all out.

"See!" she grinned forcedly at her now-shocked looking teammates, "I'm fine! This stuff is great!"

"Ah, if you say so, Sakura-chan," Naruto said, smiling, as he reached for his Tequila.

XoXoX

Twenty minutes and a Kamikaze later, Sakura was feeling _great._

XoXoX

I feel awesome.

Fan-fucking-tastic!

Sasuke can just kiss his _ass_ – or his brother's, whatever the incestuous bastard would prefer... see I think he's incestuous because he was so obsessed with Itachi and all... though I don't blame him, the brotherfucker.

Have you seen Itachi? Itachi is FUCKING hot. I mean, he's the sexiest ninja to ever have lived. Like, I would totally have an incest-crush on him if he was _my older brother_!

Ah, he really is the hottest out of all those older men.

Beats Kakashi-sensei HOLLOW.

Oops. Hehehe... I didn't mean that Kakashi-sensei is hot or anything...

But he beats Sasuke-kun hollow too, even I'll admit it.

Hell yeah.

Too bad he's dead.

Okay. That is one thing I should _never _say in front of Sasuke-kun.

Anyways.

I told those losers I could handle the alcohol! And I did! I sure showed THEM!

Hahahaha...

Anyways, Naruto's disappeared now. He's dancing with Hinata, who looks like she's going to faint. I hope she doesn't. Because then someone will have to give her CPR. And Naruto doesn't know how, and since I'm the only qualified ninja in this fucking room, _I'll _have to do it.

And honestly, just because Sasuke-kun, the love of my pathetic little life, might be gay – that doesn't mean _I'm_ turning lezzie, cha!

So kissing Hinata is out of question.

Though it'd be really cool if someone made Sasuke faint... or drown, actually. Where's that blue shark freak from Akatsuki when you need him?

Oh yeah, Gai-sensei killed him.

Lee is still dancing like a freak. Though it's kind of cool, what he's doing. I wanna dance!

Oh, now he's dancing with Tenten! Ooooooh! Like he's spinning her around and stuff, reallyreallyreally fast! It looks fun!

Oh, and now Neji's come!

He looked MA-AD.

Oh no, he just air-palmed Lee away! Lee went flying over all these people and – HAHAHAHA!

He landed on Slutheaded Red! I mean – Redheaded Slut.

Same thing really.

And now Neji's dragging Tenten off, all roughly and violently... ooh, he looks _furious_. But like, in a hot, badass way.

I bet she's going to get a kunai up her sheath, if _you get what I mean_.

I wish Sasuke-kun would manhandle _me. _

_And no by manhandle I don't mean fucking murder!_

So now Lee's gotten off of Karin the Slore, and is heading back to the dance floor. Ino's there too. And Hinata, Naruto, Kiba, Sai and some people.

"INO!" I screamed suddenly, catching sight of my frenemy.

See she's my best friend, but she's my enemy because she also likes Sasuke-kun. (Where is he, by the way? I don't see him...)

"INO-PIG!" I holler again, and piggy looks back at me, her blue eyes lighting up.

She walks over, wearing this purple halter dress, which I admit, looks pretty great.

"Forehead! Hiiii!" Ino smiles widely at me, before looking at me closely.

"Sakura are you – _drunk_?" she asks, sounding disbelieving.

"Hell yeah!" I tell her, before dragging her off to the bar, "And I want MORE!"

So I have shots with Ino-pig.

And then I have some with Kiba.

And Naruto.

And Sai.

And SHANNAROOOO! I feel awesome! Fucking awesome!

Screw Sasuke-kun! This is FUNNNN!

Oh.

Oh, they're playing a song I know now... I know this song!

_... k__inou no shippai de kujiketatte? Gottsuan desu! Gottsuan desu! _

OH! IT'S THIS SONG! MY SONG! OUR SONG! LIKE, ME, INO-PIG AND HINA'S SONG!

BACCHIKOI, BABY!

I WANT TO DANCE!

XoXoX

_Hanaretetemo onaji sora no shita de saawaratte, funbatte._

Sakura wasn't exactly the queen of disco or anything, but she liked dancing well enough. Except now, she was drunk, so really, it seemed ten times more appealing.

"PIGGY!" Sakura squealed, grabbing her friend, "HINA-CHAN! IT'S OUR SONG!"

She dragged the two girls onto the dance floor. Ino came along quite happily, though Hinata seemed shy.

"OKAY BITCHES!" Sakura shrieked, "Let's do it!"

_Let's do it, do it, do it, do it!_

The music blared loudly, and Sakura danced, like she'd never danced before. She moved, rhythmically – or maybe not so much, but it didn't matter, because she was immersed in the song and loving every moment of it. Ino and Hinata danced too, though soon Sakura found herself clambering onto one of the tables. Ino followed her, amid wolf-whistles and cat-calls.

_Bacchikoi bachikoi beibee!_

Somewhere in the blurred room, Sakura thought she saw a pair of blood-red eyes _glaring _at her furiously, but ignored it, jumping and moving to the music.

Some may have called their dancing promiscuous or suggestive, but frankly, Sakura was _tired _of being the good little medic.

Tattoe asa ga kunakutatte yei yei!

XoXoX

"Naruto," Kakashi said, walking over to the blonde, who was gaping openly at his now wildly-dancing teammate, "How many has she had?"

"Uhhh..." Naruto attempted to remember, "Like, three with Team Seven. And then two more with just me..."

"I saw Beautiful have three with her," Sai piped up, "And Dog-boy had two. And two with me as well."

"Twelve shots?" Kakashi looked scandalized, "And you didn't _stop _her!"

"I wasn't babysitting her!" Naruto whined, "And I've had over twenty-five!"

"You're _you, _Naruto," Kakashi said, "She can't possibly have more! I thought she'd be out by three!"

"She's not a lightweight, not Sakura-chan," Naruto shook his head, "She must've inherited it from Baa-chan, tteabayo!"

"Someone should do something about her before she pukes," Sasuke said coldly, entering the conversation and seeming quite sober, "Or embarrasses herself by dancing more – like _that_."

"Ah, come on, Sasuke-teme, you know you like it..." Naruto teased

"It's _disgraceful_," Sasuke spat, and everyone knew that in Uchiha language, that translated to SLUTTY.

"Which is why I think you should make her stop right away," Kakashi said, "Consider it a mission, ok boys? Get Sakura off the dance floor."

He poofed off with that, leaving only a swirl of leaves.

"Oh, smart!" Naruto yelled at the pile of leaves, "Just 'cause you don't wanna do it yourself, ttebayo! Make it seem like a mission for us!"

"Just _go, _dobe," Sasuke grunted.

"Why should I go?" Naruto demanded, looking up fearfully at Sakura, "She's scary enough when she's sober! I'm not forcing her to do anything she doesn't want! I like my balls, thanks!"

"You forced her to drink," Sasuke hissed, "It's _your _fault she's like this!"

"Actually that was you," Naruto said, displaying rare insight and wisdom, "You knew she wouldn't listen to any of us, so you used reverse psychology on her! And you thought I wouldn't catch it, you sly bastard. Very smart... 'sides, I want my balls. You don't have a sex drive so you don't need them!"

"What – does that have to do with anything?" Sasuke sputtered.

"Hey!" Naruto said suddenly, eyes lightening up, "Hey, the Sand Sibs are here! Gaara! I'll catch you later, Sasuke-teme! Take care of Sakura-chan, ok?"

With that, he sped off, leaving a cursing and rather _annoyed _Sasuke.

XoXoX

Sasuke was pissed. Apparently, shooting trademarked Uchiha Death Glare #12 from across the room, was _not _doing the trick.

Sakura was _still _dancing like – some kind of a – some kind of a someone who Sasuke knew she wasn't.

Hell, what she trying to prove a point?

Stupid, _annoying _girl.

Did she not realise how many dirty men were staring at her? Attempting to look down her too-low neckline, or up her too-short dress? Did she not realise that Genma had tried to _grind _with her? He'd nearly succeeded, but then Sasuke had shot a perfectly aimed chidori senbon across the room.

Genma had been paralysed after that; forget dancing, the man could barely _move. _

"Stupid girl," Sasuke muttered to himself.

He supposed this required physical action, and wondered if using chidori to cleave a path between all those dirty-minded civilian men to get Sakura would be too drastic.

His thoughts, however, were interrupted when an extremely annoying presence felt it necessary to attach themselves to his arm like a parasite.

"Sasuke-kunnn!" Karin cooed, pressing her chest into him, "Let's dance!"

She fluttered her eyelashes, but Sasuke ignored her, shoving her off him none too gently.

She was _annoying. _And _not _in the good Sakura-ish way.

"Sasuke-kun!" Karin cried, affronted, "Come on! It'll be fun! And we can give Harlot Haruno a taste of her own medicine!"

Sasuke wasn't too sure what Karin meant by that comment, but decided he didn't care.

He shot a glare at her – Uchiha Death Glare #17 (Special Mangekyou Sharingan Version) – before hissing out, in a voice laced with menace.

"Do _not_ let me hear you call her that ever again."

And then he stormed off, leaving a wide-eyed Karin staring after him.

"I won't let you hear me say it," Karin muttered after a moment, "Hoebag Haruno!"

XoXoX

"Hey!" Sakura yelped, as a sudden strong grip on her hand yanked her away from the dance floor.

She spun around, finding herself facing none other than Sasuke Uchiha.

A rather wrathful Sasuke Uchiha, his Sharingan swirling dangerously.

"I was having fun!" Sakura sulked, before smiling, "Unless you want to join... is that it, Sasuke-kunnn? Do you want some of it too?"

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself against his hard torso.

It was something she would _never _ever contemplate doing if she was sober (and self-respecting).

But she was drunk. And Sasuke hadn't expected it.

His eyes widened by a fraction, and if someone had paid attention through the flashing strobe lights, they would have noticed a tiny, barely-there blush.

But it soon morphed into a scowl, and he placed his hands on her hips, firmly pulling himself away.

"Sakura," he snapped, "Get a hold of yourself!"

"Oh, come on, Sasuke-kunnn," Sakura cooed, rubbing against him, "Naruto may have been your first kiss, but he doesn't have to be the la-ast..."

"What the – the _fuck_," Sasuke glowered at her, "That never happened!"

He pushed her away again, backing against the bar-stool.

Sakura took the opportunity to plot herself onto his lap. Sasuke stiffened.

"The entire village thinks you're gay with him, Sasuke-kun," Sakura said, leaning forward.

Her lips brushed his ear, and he nearly jumped; or he would have if she _wasn't sitting in his lap!_

"Wanna show them how un-gay you are?" Sakura purred, biting his ear.

Her lips quickly moved to his neck – the sensitive spot which had once been marked before – and Sasuke found he enjoyed the sensation of Sakura's teeth _far _more than Orochimaru's.

A second later, he was shocked and disgusted with himself for even having such a thought – for even _letting _her do – whatever the hell she thought she was doing – even if it was just for a few seconds.

"Sakura, stop it!" Sasuke said sternly, forcibly pushing her off.

Sakura glared at him.

"But, Sasuke-kunnn... I was having fun!"

_This is why, _Sasuke thought, _this is why she should never ever drink! Annoying girl..._

"_Don't _do that ever again," Sasuke growled at her, and she shrunk back, looking almost scared.

"Come on," Sasuke tugged on her wrist, "We're leaving."

"Oh – but Sasuke-kun!" Sakura pleaded, "I want to dance!"

"I don't care."

XoXoX

Hahahaha! I gave Sasuke-kun a hickey! Almost!

Take _that _Orochimaru, you fucking pedophile!

Ooh, he's taking me somewhere... out of the club!

But I don't wanna go! I wanna FUCKING DANCE!

Well... if I get to be alone with Sasuke-kun... maybe I don't mind...

He's yummy.

I don't mind if _he _molests _me..._

Shan-na-ro...

Ooh, look. Civilians.

"Hello," one of the civilians says, smiling at me.

I smile back uncertainly. He looks like a little kid, about fourteen. What is he doing in a bar? Oh yeah, we're all fucking underage except the senseis.

"Hiiii," I finally greet.

"You're really beautiful, you know, Sakura-chan," the kid says.

"Oh," I smile, "Um –"

Do I know this kid?

"Yeah, you are," the kid goes on fervently, obviously sloshed (but not as much as meeee), "You're fucking beautiful! You're the most fucking beautiful woman I've ever seen!"

"Ahaha," I laugh awkwardly, "Um – thank you?"

I can't say more, because Sasuke's yanked me off again.

Ooh, Sasuke-kun, take that. For once _I, _Sakura Haruno, got hit on, and _you _didn't.

Burrrrn.

Burn like a giant fireball jutsu!

You know, the kid was stupid, but that little compliment actually helped my self-esteem!

Like – I'm _beautiful, _bitches! (Yeah, Karin, I'm telling you, you fugly strumpet!)

Five minutes later, we stumble into more people. Shinobi this time. I think I've seen one of them. He's a Hyuuga, he works at the hospital.

"Sakura-chan!" he says, "You're really sexy, you know that!"

"Oh!" I squeal, looking over at Sasuke-kun's face.

He does _not _look happy.

"Thank you!" I smile.

The shinobi wants to chat some more, but really, I don't, and nor does Sasuke-kun.

So he drags me along some more. And I let him.

"Bacchikoi, bacchikoi, ba-by," I sing.

Sasuke glares at me.

He obviously wants me to stop.

Well _too _bad Uchiha, you faggot. You don't always get what you want! I didn't want you to leave and you did! SO SUCK UP MY SINGING BITCH, 'CAUSE I AM NOT STOPPING, HELL NO!

"LET'S DO IT! LET'S DO IT!" I sing, even louder.

Oh crap.

The Mangekyou Sharingan has been activated. That usually means bad things.

Ah... whatever... he already tried to kill me twice... what more can he do?

"Tattoe asa ga kunakutatte yei yei!"

XoXoX

"Mijika ni aru mono tsune ni ki wo tsuketeinai to..."

"Sakura, will you _shut up_!" Sasuke hissed, as he finally managed to drag the pink-haired drunken kunoichi out of the club, "Seriously, you're fucking _annoying_!"

"I'm always annoying to you, you bastard!" Sakura shrieked, "So I don't care!"

Sasuke recoiled at the expletive, as if stung. She had _never _insulted him like that.

Sakura continued to sing.

"Amari ni chikasugite miushinatteshimaisou..."

They began walking towards the central part of the village, Sasuke's arm tight around Sakura's waist to keep her from falling, as she stumbled every few steps.

She wasn't hitting on him, no. But frankly, he preferred _that _to this atrocious _singing_.

"You know the closer you get to somethiiing..."

"Sakura, please-" Sasuke growled, clenching his jaw.

"The tougher it is to seeeee it..."

"Listen, just-" he tightened his fists into balls.

"And I'll never take it for graaanted..."

_Fuck this, you're screwed, _Sasuke thought darkly.

XoXoX

My singing seems to be annoying Sasuke-kun. I don't know why. I'm good. Really!

Too bad, Sasuke-kun. CHA!

Oh, he's angry. He suddenly stopped walking. He's _glaring _at me.

Fuck, I may be a masochist but – he looks _fucking sexy _when he glares like that.

It's like a rapist look.

And on Sasuke-kun... daaamn...

Suddenly, Sasuke-kun has stepped close to me, _way _too close to me. Like he's _totally _in my bubble.

And he's mad. _Really _mad. I can see the pinwheel spinning in his eyes, I can see his glare fixated on me, and – oh –I think I'm going to faint, but I can _feel _his breath – his heavy, _angry _breath – ghosting across my face.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" Sasuke demanded, "Dancing like that?"

I say nothing, too thrilled by his proximity.

"Those civilians were fucking _staring _at you, Genma was _grinding _with you – did you enjoy it or are you just _that fucking stupid, _Sakura? Huh?"

"I – I didn't – realise," I said, my voice shaking, "I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun, I-"

"You didn't _realise_?" Sasuke asks harshly, "Sakura you're a _ninja. _You cannot be that unaware of your surroundings! What is _wrong with you?"_

"Why do you care so much!" I ask, finally sticking up for myself, "Look I said I'm sorry!"

"I don't appreciate my teammate whoring herself out like some kind of a _slut_!" Sasuke snaps, "It's embarrassing for _me_!"

"I – what?" I nearly screech, shocked.

I can feel tears gathering at the corner of my eyes, but I _won't _cry. I won't show any weakness, not in front of this – this _bastard._

"You – you called me a slut," I say, my voice shaking.

"I didn't mean it like that," Sasuke says quickly, "But Sakura, the way you were-"

"_You _called _me _a fucking _slut?" _I repeat, disbelief and anger coloring my voice, "_You _who comes back from your missing-nin-hood with that booted-bimbo hanging off your arm, _you _who apparently even the _Mizukage _has hit on – _you're _calling _me _a slut? After I – I waited – all these years – I never -"

"Sakura, I wasn't referring to you," Sasuke interrupts me, "I was referring to what you were _doing. _It wasn't like you. That's why you shouldn't drink-"

"You guys were the ones who wanted me to drink!" I say tearfully, "Everyone thought I was boring! I never touched alcohol, and now when I finally did – you say – stuff like this? This isn't fair to me! It isn't – fair!"

"Sakura-"

"No, _you shut up and fucking listen! _You don't even have the right to _say _anything! Not you, not Naruto, not anyone! It didn't matter, _I _didn't matter, when you ran off and betrayed us, when Naruto ran off with Jiraiya! Neither of you _cared _about me, and what I'd feel like to be left alone! You'd never cared, even as a genin team!"

"We never-"

"It was always about _you _and _Naruto, _and then _you _and _Itachi, _and then _Naruto _and _you, _again, and I never said anything, I let it slide but now – you don't fucking own me! You have _no right, _after all these years, after treating me like – like _garbage, _like some sort of _nuisance _– to judge me or say _anything!_"

I was shaking now, and everything was pouring out, like this catharsis. Everything I kept locked within me flooded out. I guess that's what happens when you're drunk.

"You're a fucking selfish _bastard, _Sasuke," I hiss, deliberately leaving out the honorific ,"And you know what? I fucking _hate _you."

I didn't mean it, or maybe I did, but damn, saying it out loud felt good.

I shove him off me then, injecting some chakra into my hands. Unfortunately, my control kind of sucks right now, and I end up practically punching him in the chest. He flies back a couple feet, and looks absolutely _livid._

Ooh, I hit Sasuke Uchiha. I hit the prodigy missing-nin.

I am _scre-ewed._

"Stay the fuck away from me," I hiss at him, but Sasuke ignores me and advances anyways.

So I aim at him, again, and he ducks this time. So I kick, and he leaps, and before we know it, we're sparring with taijutsu.

It's a ferocious spar; even though I can't control my movements or chakra precisely, I guess that makes it more dangerous, more predictable, less _accurate. _More chance I'll accidentally hit him near his vitals, more chance I'll inject _too _much chakra in my hits.

He's realised that. His Sharingan is on, trying to gauge my movements.

I may be a natural at drunken fist too!

Finally though, he manages to get me, and pins me against the wall.

"You asked for it, Sakura," Sasuke murmurs darkly.

His voice is husky, and it sends shivers down my spine.

Fuck, he's so sexy. Why is he so sexy? It should be illegal to be so sexy!

And fuck, I'm supposed to be _angry _at the bastard! This isn't supposed to turn me on!

But his eyes are boring into mine, and his face is so close... and he has such a perfect, beautiful face... with perfectly chiselled features... and his hair... it's hanging around his face so prettily... oh wow...

Suddenly, his hands are on my wrists, and he lifts my arms up to pin them above my head, holding them in one hand.

He's _manhandling me! _SHANNARO!

The position is so fucking _erotic, _that I feel all my anger melt away, only to be replaced by lust.

Sasuke's hand is rough on my wrists, his nails digging into my skin. He's pressed himself against me, his chest touching my own, his legs entangled with mine.

Wow.

I want him. I fucking _want _him.

The last time we were this close was when – well, when he tried to kill me. I hope that's not the case.

I say this.

I say:

"Sasuke-kun, please don't kill me..."

I sound scared maybe, just a little. But he is kind of scary. In a sexy-as-fucking-hell way.

Sasuke just glared at me some more, and it makes my heart flutter.

Yep, I'm a masochist. Soon he'll be electrocuting me with his chidori and that will make me want to come – _okay, I can't be that drunk!_

Or maybe I can.

He presses himself closer to me, and my heart pounds so hard, I think it's going to fall out of my chest. My knees are shaking, and I know I'd fall, but I'm trapped between Sasuke-kun divine, hard body and a wall, so really, that's not possible.

He speaks again, his voice a dangerous whisper.

"Sakura," he breathes, and his lips brush my ear, sending little jolts of electricity, like little chidori streams, down my whole body, "You're _annoying_."

He glares at me again, and then suddenly, his lips are on mine.

SHANNARO!

FUCK! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!

Sasuke-kun is – kissing me!

And – I cannot believe this is happening...

His lips are on mine, and they're moving almost frantically. He bites at my lower lip (wow, Sasuke-kun, you're _good_!) and I gasp, and he slips his tongue into my mouth.

He kisses me harder, and I kiss back, my mind spinning, my stomach leaping, my heart fluttering – I'm in euphoria. I'm in fucking paradise.

I can smell him, feel him, taste him – and he is fucking _divine. _Fucking amazing.

I'm completely immobilized, with my hands above my head. He places his free hand on my lower back, and pushes me closer to him. I can feel something hard digging into my thigh, and when I realise what it is, I nearly faint from excitement.

He drags his hand lower, and lower, before he squeezes, roughly, and I moan into his mouth, arching against him. He moves his hand lower, his fingers brushing against my thigh, before slipping underneath the fabric of my dress.

He continued to kiss me, and touch me, and I let him, like I'm some sort of private sex slave for him.

Fuck, he's _so _good.

We don't stop there though.

He's horny, for once in his life, and I am fucking sloshed.

We go on and on, until he lets go of my hands, and I tangle them in his hair, scraping my nails across his scalp, and then his chest. He places both hands on my thighs, and lifts me up slightly, and I straddle him, wrapping my legs around his waist.

I feel hot. I feel warm heat pooling downwards, and I press myself against him wantonly.

His hands move over my chest, under my dress, under my fucking _bra, _and fuck, he's amazing. And then he slips them down, _down _and _inside, _and seconds later, I'm writhing and gasping and moaning against his fingers.

Fuck, he's amazing. He's so amazing. How is he so good?

Has he done this before?

His fingers move, back and forth, in an out, with the perfect pace and rhythm, as I grind against him.

My muddled mind wonders, if he's had this kind of practice – maybe on Karin the Slore? I can imagine her happily whoring herself out for him, letting him do what he is doing to be... letting him touch her in the most intimate of places...

For a second, jealously flares up within me, but then I decide I don't care.

At least not for now.

Because Sasuke is so fucking good, that I don't care about anything as long as he doesn't stop.

I – don't – fucking – care.

Even if he's done this to hundreds of girls before me – he's so – fucking – amazing.

And I think I'm going to – I think I –

"Nnnnnh! Sasuke-kunnnnnnn!"

XoXoX

When Sakura woke up the next morning, the first thing she realised was that her head hurt.

No, hurt was truly an understatement.

It was agonizing, ear-splitting pain. It felt like her brain had been pierced by senbon, that someone had slammed a sledgehammer onto her skull, and that a bunch of hyperactive Naruto-like idiots were pounding away at her head.

She also found that her throat was fuzzy, and it hurt when she swallowed.

And – for some _inconceivable _reason – she seemed to have – _wet _her beautiful, lacy lingerie.

It was quite literally soaked.

"Ugh," Sakura groaned, pushing herself into a sitting position, wiping away a few strands of pink hair.

She tried to get out of bed, but also noticed that her – lower regions ached as well.

"What the heck?" Sakura muttered, wracking her brain.

She remembered a note, about her patient dying, and then getting bored at that stupid nightclub. She remembered Naruto being drunk, and Kakashi reading porn. But other than that...

Sakura sighed, shrugging her shoulders as she attempted to pull off her covers and get out of bed.

Whatever had transpired, it was inconsequential; knowing her, it's not like she could have really done anything worth worrying about...

Sakura yanked at her covers, wondering why they were being so stubborn. She pulled again, but they didn't move, almost as if they were being restrained by some other weight.

Groggily, Sakura turned her head, glancing towards the other side of her bed.

Only to see it was occupied.

By an overly attractive, half-naked Sasuke Uchiha.

Suddenly, things began to fall into place.

"HELLLL NOOOOOOOOO!" Sakura shrieked.

XoXoX

_Author's Note – Well, I did warn you =P I don't know why I felt like writing this. It's messed up, the characters are messed up and it's nothing like my usual stuff._

_And wow. I wrote 25 pages of this immoral, dirty crap =S _

_But it was kind of fun. So whatever._

_I'm sorry if I offended any Sakura or Sasuke fans with the depiction of their characters. But they were drunk, remember that =/_

_Anyways, please review! Thank you so much to those of you who did for the last two chapters! _

_Oh by the way – anyone get that Kakashi/Rin reference? (though actually I alluded to lots of pairings in this =P) If you did, kudos to you! =) _

_And the songs Sakura were singing were from the Shippuden Opening/Closings. Basically, in case you don't know-_

_Bacchikoi by Dev Parade_

_Closer by Inoue Joe _


End file.
